What a day! All the political stuff was coming to a head and stress on who was being elected to what is all coming down to finite ends. It doesn't matter that we had made our decisions weeks earlier and turned in our ballots then, many people had put off voting until this very day. Sometimes, to this very moments. People were still in line voting at 7pm!
My day started off good. We got up, showered, dressed and in the car within an hour. Though I missed writing my morning pages, we had enough time to stop at McD's for breakfast. I got the shortstack, a stack of three pancakes, and a large sweet and unsweetened iced tea. I dropped off my hubby at work and headed over to visit my therapist, Steve.
I had realized that there really isn't any difference in me hiding in my bedroom, staying in my jammies all day, being on the computer, reading and eating in the bedroom and me getting dressed and making the bed but still staying in my bedroom, playing on the computer, reading and watching tv. Steve agreed, I needed to get out of the bedroom. That's a scary thought for me, venturing out and spending my days out in the house. The bedroom is where I have everything I need, my computer, my dogs, warmth, comfort, books, and a smart tv. Downstairs is where there is housework, mess, adult things. Loneliness. Even on the days I have the car, I usually have not that many places to go and end up back home, up in the bedroom. It is the warmest room in the house and has a western view. I have a view out the window into one of our front trees and love staring into it starting in the fall to watch the squirrels play in it's branches. We have a couple of different species of woodpeckers that come to visit the tree and I have been watching them over the past 3 years. it is time to get out of this comfortable zone I have created that cocoons me from the work. Time to see what I have to offer the world and what the world has to offer me.
The first thing I have to do is move the computer downstairs, so I don't use it as an excuse to stay up here. Yes, I am sitting in bed as I write this. We have a library and I need to make the futon back into a couch again as it has been months since we had more company then would fit into the guest room. It is a lovely little room filled with books and my husband used to enjoy going into there and reading. Time to make it back into a wonderful room again.
I can come up with excuses that I want to rearrange the living room and need help to do that, but that is just putting off what needs to be done. The tv we have down there is nice. It is a 42 inch one, has a sound bar and a blueray dvd player that allows me to access Netflix and Amazon. There is an HDMI port and cable to hook up to the computer so I can watch other stuff like YouTube and Hulu Plus, but I don't know what settings are required and have always left that up to my husband. Time to learn the software of things.
As I contemplate the seemingly simple steps of what I need to do to move out of the bedroom, a sence of panic is looming and growing ever so slightly in my chest. I do not understand why but my anxiety levels are rising and more and more, I do not want to go. This may be tougher than I thought. I realize now that this is something I don't need to just do, it is something I must do.
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