Woo hoo! Today I woke up around 10, popped on the tv and started writing my morning pages. Big mistake! The minute I turned on the tv, I forgot a really interesting dream. I had problems writing my morning pages at all. Price is Right drove all my thoughts right out of my head and I struggled to write my 3 pages. I am hoping I dream the same dream again tonight so I can remember it. Lucid dreaming is really cool. Sometimes I dream God is talking to me and giving me messages. There has been two dreams, one was a message that I should listen to his Word carefully, not to what the masses are doing. Things society says are ok are not always ok with God. Listen to Him and pray, He will show you the Way. In the other dream, I was preforming a ritual and I threw away something that was given to me by God. I needed it and I was traumatized. I woke up in a terrible state, for sure that God didn't love me because I threw away his gift. The gist was small and insignificant to me but really was huge. I realized later that I wasn't using my creativity, making things, whether by words or matter. My gift of creativity was being wasted by watching endless hours of tv, hiding in my bedroom. My craft room has been filled with boxes and chucked full of "stuff". There was no way I could work with any of my beads or art materials, or even set up my sewing machine. So my husband finally took pity on me and moved all the boxes and bags out to the garage. He left me the chairs to clear off because I asked him to, these were all recent purchases that I want to put away. And I have the table to clear off but we have gotten boxes for that. In fact that is what I plan on doing tomorrow!
Coming downstairs is getting to be a lot easier now, getting dressed is a little harder to do. A big part of me cries out when I get up in the morning that today would be a good day to stay in bed, snuggle down and watch tv. Get my husband to bring up my computer and my bowl of cheerios (with a cut up banana and a teaspoon of sugar). Then I can take a nap and observe the world, not interact in it. It is oh, so tempting to do! It is safe in my bedroom, no one person or thing to can get to me, I can sleep, I can read, I can dream. But it is also a way to cut myself off from everything. And I don't want to do that anymore.
Today my husband went into work to find out he scheduled himself off since he has to work Saturday. So an hour later he came home. We hung out for a while, I got dressed and moved downstairs for breakfast. Just after lunch we went and spent an hour at the library. I got to read my magazines and make some copies of some crochet patterns. We picked up some books we had on reserve and I found the new Dean Koontz book, The City, in Rapid Reads and checked it out for a week. Dean Koontz is my favorite author!
We got home and started to work on Elroy, my 83 Chevy C10 pick up. We recently bought a new generator, which I think is called the alternator, and today tried to put it back in but it has been awhile since we took it out. We came inside to look it up but this artic wind came up and the temperature started dropping very rapidly. Our high peaked at 64 today, before noon. Now, we are in the 20s and the streets are filled with ice. Too slippery for me to drive tomorrow, so home I stay!
Tonight we went out to test the roads to see if I would be able to drive to my therapy session tomorrow (I won't) and went to our new Dunkin Donuts in the neighborhood. Yum! I was good, got a mint chocolate hot chocolate and a coffee roll. I got a fritter and donut holes for the morning.
I feel good today! I got out of the house and did some fun things, I learned some valuable lessons about tv and I made my goal of spending my day out of the bedroom. It's 9pm now, my husband is waiting for me upstairs to watch a movie and cuddling. So good night!
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