Today was a fractal day. I woke up early, about an hour before I had to be up so I tried to go back to sleep but my mind wouldn't shut off. It kept thinking about finances and chores and organizing and just stuff. So I got my book down to start readying but I wasn't really involved it it. I'm having a hard time getting into these last couple of books I bought at the thrift store. They sounded interesting at the time, enough to invest 99 cents in each, but now they don't really sound that good. I seem to be searching for some type of story, I just don't know what. Maybe I want to read some more Janet Evonavich.
So I got up at 915am, got dressed and left early so I could take the two bags of clothes I sorted out of my closet, down to the thrift store for donation. Part of me really wanted to go through them and sort out all the tshirts and turtlenecks to cut up into strips for crocheting into rugs. But it would just be another project that I "have" to get around to, so off they went. I couldn't remember how to get to the back of the building so I took the long way around. But I got them dropped off and made it to therapy with 15 minutes to spare.
I talked to Steve, my therapist, about something that happened to me this past Sunday. About how when I was with the Red Hatters making the pendant for myself, I chose a glass very quickly and thought, this will look good. Good enough. But then I started thinking that maybe I wanted to make this as a present for Cassie for her birthday. Something special. So I started looking around at the different types of glass, and started thinking about if I turn this a certain way, could I cut this off and add this? And came up with an interesting design. But why can't I do that for myself? I just don't. And I too lazy?
We talked about how I will see stuff that I would like to do for me and I will either start it and not finish it, or I will get the stuff to do it but not even start it. But when it comes time to make things for other people, I will throw my all into it. It's like, I have bought material and collected stuff to sew clothes for me, but I haven't even touched my sewing machine. But yesterday I found a free pattern online for a stuffed turtle that I think would be really cute to make for my granddaughters that may be coming for a visit in a week, and I'm considering making it. But when I first saw the pattern, I thought it was cute and I wanted one for myself, so I printed out the pattern, to put away for "some day". I can't get creative for myself.
Steve said usually it's one of two things: Either you really want someone to like you so you do stuff for them that you think they will like, then they will like you or you just don't love yourself enough to think you are worth the effort. It definitely gave me something to think about. I told him I was ready to explore why this is, because I have spent decades collecting stuff for "some day" but never do anything about it for me.
When I got home, hubby was supposed to take the car and head up to Denver for an audit. But right after I left, he got a call that the audit was cancelled, so he was going to be working in the Springs for the day, but it was going to be late. So I kissed him goodbye and he left.
I had plans to work upstairs today but as the day wore on, I just didn't manage to make it up there. I did do the two loads of laundry I had made yesterday but that was the extent of my "work". I made dinner for Frank and me at 6, so he could eat and go to bed early. Tonight was grilled cheese and ham sandwiches with soup. I burned the first set of sandwiches. When hubby got home later, I made him dinner as well and sat with him while he ate.
So it was a fairly lax day. I was a portion of myself, doing a little bit of this and a little bit of that all day, all parts but nothing whole.
Tomorrow hubby and I have the appointment with the neurosurgeon, Dr Illig, to see if the herniated disc is the same one hubby had operated on 5 years ago, or if it is a new case to open with Workman's Comp. Wish us luck!
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