Today was a doing day. Last night I had hubby set the alarm for 9am for me. He had planned on getting up at 715am and leaving to be at work by 8-830. But at 8, he woke me up to tell me that one of our checking accounts was in the negative and to discuss what we were going to do. It's so not fun being woken up like that and being told to think right away. But he told me that we had enough money in the other checking account to pay the tax bill from last month that we forgot to pay, and this month, which is two days overdue. So I told him I would write out the checks and get the payment coupons filled out so that he could mail them out today.
He told me he would come back after he went to his office while he was on his way to Denver to pick everything up. I kissed him goodbye and got some yogurt and went back to bed to watch tv. I thought about trying to go back to sleep but I was too anxious. So I ate, played on Instagram and texted Holly.
Hubby called when he was heading out and I had the coupons and checks ready. I was getting dressed and had to still feed the animals when he got home so he fed the animals for me. He made himself some lunch to take with him and we left. I was on my way to therapy and he was on his way to Denver.
I have been working with Steve on my situation for a couple of weeks now. Being afraid that I am going to backslide in my mental illness, all the way back to crazy town. Voices, blackouts, sleeping around, alcohol, and that all leading to being alone and homeless, unmedicated and no therapy.
My confrontation with hubby about how I was feeling being afraid of all this happening and that one of my big stressors was being mad at hum and Frank not being stresssed enough and him getting mad at me for it, and glossing over my fears, has led to me being not trusting that hubby can be there for me if mentally I ever break down. This is the first time since we got together in 1995 that I have ever felt this way. What I wanted him to say, was to take me in his arms or just look me in the eye and tell me that he would always be here and it would be ok. That no matter what would happen, he would always be here and if I had a blackout and disappeared, he would never stop looking for me and will find me.
I've had nightmares that happen every once in awhile since I've known him. I wake up in some city, come out of a blackout while walking. I don't have any money. I find a payphone but in order to call collect, I have to know his number but I can't remember it. I always wake up in a complete panic and it takes an anxiety pill and a couple of hours for me to calm down. If hubby isn't home when I wake up, I have to call him. For some reason, when he got this new cell last summer, I still can't remember the number. And whether it's true or not, I don't think you can call collect to a cell phone. We don't have a land line and when we did, we never answered it anyways. We couldn't even remember the number. It just came with the cable, that we don't have anymore either.
So after therapy, I came home. I picked up my glasses and let the dogs out and back in, then went over to Janice's. We were going to lunch at Margarita's on The Pines to make sure Janice knew how to get there for a job interview lunch she was having on Thursday. We were eating there so she would know what to order, and take two variables out of the stress she would have that day.
They had a very simple menu. We both chose the popular Salad, Soup, Dessert choice for $12. I got a hot tea for $2.50. The hot tea was their own mix of cinnamon tea. We received a bread board with a fresh loaf of wholewheat bread with pimento cheese spread and butter. Very tasty! Then we received our salad course. It came dressed with their own dressing. I couldn't make up my mind if I liked it or not, but I did eat all of the salad. There was a lot of oil in the dressing. I'm not used to being able to taste the oil.
There was a choice of two different soups, some seafood bisque and a beef barley. We chose the beef barley. It was very good and had a tomato influence in the broth. I didn't eat the chunks of beef in there, meat doesn't taste really good right now. But I set them aside so I could get every last drop of soup and barley there was! In the case of the salad and the soup, the server offered us more if we wanted it. But both Janice and I were full. Then she brought us dessert. Janice was surprised as she hadn't read the whole description of the meal, but I had. It was a slice of coconut cake with vanilla seasoning, sprinkled with powdered sugar. It was so good, but I couldn't eat all of it. With tip, I spent $20.
Next we went to Chapel Hills Mall to the movie theater. Janice had been dying to see the new Star Wars film and her husband had gone without her. She asked me to go with her as she had no one else to go. She really doesn't have any other friends either. So after much postponement, we finally made it.
The theater only had the 3D version showing at the time she wanted to go and the normal time would get us home too late, her husband would be very upset. No comment. So the tickets were $10.50. I am still just drinking hot tea and oj, so didn't want to get a soda. So I asked for a bottle of water, but a regular size bottle of water was $5! So I said no, please put it back, and then she told me I could have a water cup and get some at the fountain. I said thanks. Janice got the large bag of popcorn and a large drink, and they were having a special of $5 for the combo, so it was only $7.50. The medium sized drink and popcorn would have been $13. Movies are expensive!
So the movie was 2 and a half hours long and there was half an hour of previews. Most of them were for animated movies, it was a little strange. There is one animated movie I would like to see, The Secret Life of Pets. I love animals and like to think they have interesting lives independent of us sometimes.
So I found out that Leigha and Hans were married but he went his own way when their son, Ben, betrayed Luke when he was training Jedis, and Ben went over to the Dark Side. A Storm Trooper can't kill innocent people and found a way out, rescuing a Resistance Fighter. They escaped the newest version of Darth Vader and that big ship. Lots of stuff happens, and the Storm Trooper, who was called by a number, was renamed Finn. Finn meets a girl and helps her and a droid, not R2D2, get to the Resistance Fighters. Along the way, Hans and Chewie rescue them and get back together with Hans' old ship, the Milinium Falcon. Hans feels fatherly towards the girl, takes them to the Resistance Fighters. Side trip leads the girl, Rea, to find Luke's lightsaber. She discovers she had the Force inside her and she rejects it. She gets captured by the Darth Vader replacement, who we find out is Leigha and Hans son, Ben.
Yada, Yada, Yada. There is another type of Death Star, one a hundred times bigger. It draws all the energy out of a sun, then uses that to destroy planets, which they do, several times. Blah, Blah, Blah. Finn, Rea, Hans and Risistance Fighters all attack the new Death Star and destroy it but not before New Darth Vader/Ben kills his dad and goes totally Dark Side. Everyone gasps! Hans Solo is DEAD! Ta Dum!
Rea finds the Force within her, has a big fight with the New Darth Vader, wins but is prevented from killing him. Do I hear sequel, anyone? And goes back with Finn and Chewie to deliver the news to Leigha. R2D2 revives just then and provides the missing map, or part of it, with the new droid giving the missing piece, the map to find Luke Skywalker, who is in a self imposed exile because of Ben.
Rea and Chewie leave and go find Luke. The last 2 minutes of the film, if that, are of her walking towards a hooded figure, facing away from her. Then he turns, stares, then lowers his hood. It is a bearded, much older Luke. Close up of his face. Close up of her's. The end. Luke has no lines.
We got home minutes before Janice's husband so she was really happy. She says she is not sure why she is staying with him. But she still wants to sell the house and move to Florida with him. Go figure.
The only other thing I did after I got home was feed the beasties at night. I also defrosted the hamburger. The poor rattie boys haven't had their cage cleaned in over a month!
Tomorrow I have a Red Hat luncheon at The Golden Corral at 11am. When I get home, I plan to really clean the rattie boys home. They deserve so much better! And I fed the stray cats again. Nobody else did it while I was sick.
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