Today was an expensive day. I woke up suddenly and with urgency that I had to get up RIGHT THEN! Once I was out of bed, I didn't know why. I thought about it for a minute, wasn't sure, but the alarm was going to go off in 5 minutes anyways, so I went to the bathroom.
But Baby had jumped up from laying on the bed, causing Cookie to start to roll onto her back, she tried to right herself and started yelping in pain. Hubby sat up and leaned over to her and I was right there and saw that Baby hadn't stepped on her. So we calmed her down, felt her leg and shoulder, and reassured her. We picked her up and put her on the floor. She wouldn't put any weight on the leg. Hubby carried her out to the backyard to pee. Then he carried her in.
I grabbed a yogurt, let the dogs back in, well, I let Baby back in. Kira likes to stay outside, even when it's cold and this morning was chilly but not cold. Being a Corgi, she has a double coat, so I think it gets a little too warm inside for her. She prefers not to sleep on the bed with us, it's too hot for her. I headed back upstairs, turned on the tv, and got back in bed to watch the news. Then I took my morning pills, got dressed and went to my Prayer Shawl Meeting at the Church. The Catholic Church.
Prayer Shawl is a meeting of women that get together and do needlework. We make prayer shawls, hats, scarves, baby blankets, and lap blankets. The Church gives them out as needed. We knit, crochet, weave on lap looms and talk. We share patterns and distribute donated yarn. Marilyn took over the group a few months ago, and organizes all of it. I'd like to start taking in a coffee cake or something for the mornings. It would be nice to have a snack there.
I should have just gone to the store and gone home but I was feeling pretty depressed and didn't want to go home. I wanted to go out to eat, sit and read my book and have blueberry pancakes. We didn't have the extra money for it, but I did it anyway.
I went to a Diner I saw a sign for last week called Doug's. It's over by where we live and I was curious. The blueberry pancakes were as big as dinner plates, there were two of them, and they were half an inch thick, so fluffy. That and a big glass of V8 was $10.85. I left a $4 tip.
I drove to Walmart to pick up the mega container of Salsa, Pepsi, Hefty 2.5 gallon Slider Bags, frozen mixed veggies for the chicken pot pie filling I was making. I should have known better, the mood I was in I found several other things I needed. Walked out to the tune of $58. All stuff we use and needed, but could have waited a day or two.
I went home to check on Cookie and take the dogs out. I had to carry Cookie down the back steps and outside. The other dogs crowded around when I put her down to see what was wrong with her. She still yelped. So I called the vet to try to get her in tomorrow. They were booked so I called my old vet and they had an opening this afternoon. Cool! I picked up Cookie, jumped in the Bug, and drove over.
I found out the office visit and exam is now $50. Woah! They did an xray to rule out spine problems and came to the conclusion she had a pinched nerve. They gave her a shot of an anti inflammatory and gave me 14 daily chewies of anti inflammatories. $225. When I told hubby, he said we will never go back there again.
I got home and once again unplugged the crockpot, that one of the guys had plugged back in. I defrosted another pound of hamburger. Then I went upstairs to sit down for a little bit and watch Dr Phil and the news.
At 530pm, I fed the dogs and cats and rattie boys. I cooked the hamburger, 2.5 pounds, with taco seasoning. I made grilled cheese sandwiches and chicken noodle soup for Frank and me. I drained the hamburger, put it in a bowl with paper towels to finish getting fat off. I got Frank to unload the dishwasher and do the dishes. When the hamburger was cool enough, I put it in a gallon sized bag and put in the fridge. When hubby gets home at 1030pm, I will have him take the two gallons of milk out of the fridge, put them in the garage, and then we will put the crockpot in the fridge. The garage is cold enough to keep the milk cold but with the chicken still warm, I want it in the fridge.
Tomorrow I will assemble the Mexican Casserole and make the Chicken Pot Pie filling. These two alone with make several meals. I will be freezing a lot of the Chicken Pot Pie filling. I will be making enough of the Mexican Casserole to take a pan over to my parents on Saturday. I should also make some rice, so Frank can put the rice with the casserole in a flour tortilla and make burritos.
I feel better today. I was able to do things and make some plans. I still have a deep sadness inside of me that I don't know what to do about. When hubby asked last night if there was anything he could do, I said yes, and he asked what it was, and I couldn't answer. I'm afraid. I'm afraid I will decompensate and nobody can help me. That he can't or won't help me. I want so bad to have him tell me it will be alright, that no matter what happens or where I go, he will always find me. He will never let me go. But if he said those things right now, I won't believe him. Because when I really needed him to be there and reassure me, he was unable to do it. There is a block in my head right now.
Steve, the therapist, says I need to turn my fears over to God. It says in the Bible 366 times versions of Do Not Be Afraid. One for each day of the week and one to spare. I'm trying. I'm making an effort to pray when I think about it and talk to God again. Rebuilding that trust in hubby is going to have to wait.
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